I’m from a farm in Canada and maybe I’m out of touch, but when I see this tattoo, all I can imagine is the client going to the artist and saying,

This story about a visit with traditional tattoo artist Wilson Fitigo in American Samoa in 2002 was just so funny that I had to share it with you. The full size photos will be in the hand poked tattoo gallery in the update that I’ll have posted late tonight (argh, another late night).

“This wan’t the regular studio we’re used to in the Western World — this was the real thing. I don’t think a normal person would have accepted the conditions. There was a kid running around, the tools where whashed with an old toothbrush and soap, the ink was in an old clamshell, some puppies where sick, and there I was lying outside on the ground. Wilson Fitigo, the tattoo artist, had just cut himself with a bushknife and had a homemade bandage on…

I was shaking with fear… and had three nice boys around me holding me down. There was no pain as this pain… Nothing will hurt again… I spent six and a half hours on my back, triyng hard not to scream like a pig, but sometimes I almost fell asleep. Halfway through I threw up my lunch, and had never been so happy in my whole life.

And for the last hour, my mother had to hold me down, translating my Swedish cursing the whole time to Wilson! The tattooing was like someone punching you over and over again with a hammer, and I think the sound was the worst part.

Oh, and like any other tattoo, this one had to be washed in rainwater from the roof — but the massage was out of this world! But now… my precious!!! Six and a half hours later, and of course I’ll do it again!“

Never say tattoo artists (and clients) don’t have a sense of humor. It’s not uncommon for a shop to have a joke tattoo that anyone can get for free… When I worked at Stainless Studios, it was a really cheesy “eye heart boobs” design. At Metro Tattoo in Tucson, Arizona, they have a tattoo of the month.

I’m not sure that I’m going to be getting an appointment with Allen Hoeflinger any time soon to get my own cartoon monkey jerking off in tattoo form, but this dude seems thrilled with both the tattoo and the price… you can’t beat free, right?

I mean no offense, but if it was me, I’d probably have chosen a slightly higher placement. Pardon the crudeness, but I can’t help but think that sex from certain positions would just be too much like fucking a chicken… I am so, so sorry for thinking that. That said, when I realized that this was on a hot Venezuelan care of the very talented Darwin (don’t be freaked out by the wizard if you visit his IAM page) at Mithos Tattoo in Caracas, I am reconsidering my policy on chicken fucking.

Have I mentioned before that I’m going to hell?

Don’t take this tattoo too seriously. Zombies aren’t real, and you don’t need zombie repellent! Stay calm, Miss Mina. Tattoo by Jamie at Artkore Tattoo in Normal, IL.

Actually… now that I consider those “laws of horror movies”, there is a very good chance that zombies or something otherwise evil and/or brain-consumingly dangerous lives in a town called “Normal”.

I always thought it was “Waldo”, but perhaps Nick Dutt at Tattooz R Us in Kilsyth. Victoria, Australia is looking to avoid a trademark lawsuit?

Actually, the truth is that in Australia (and most places other than the US and Canada), the character is “Wally”, and was renamed “Waldo” in 1987 for the US market. I’m not really sure why. They also call him “Walter” in Germany (I guess even German children appreciate the value of being formal and polite), and “Charlie” in France (who knows why).