Are you ready for some football?

I know I am. I used to actually kind of despise football, but as I got older I have started to appreciate it. Anyhow, I am planning ahead for a super bowl post full of football related mod work, so if you have any, shoot me an email.

In the mean time, Shannon here has the spirit. She may be sporting a Ravens  jersey, but I won’t hold that against her and you shouldn’t either.


PS: You think that Subincision I posted a few days ago must have hurt? You should try being a Redskins fan. That my friends is REAL PAIN.

Full Coverage: Links From All Over (June 11, 2009)

[Shutdown Corner] Well, here’s the biggest tattoo-related non-story of the day. Chad Ochocinco, the Cincinnati Bengals safety formerly known as Chad Johnson, is, for those unfamiliar with the NFL, one of the bigger clowns in the league. (See: Legally changing his last name to a mangled Spanish translation of his jersey number.) Anyway! Mr. Ochocinco, like so many athletes, has wandered into the land of Twitteronia, and made this startling announcement yesterday:

Yall might not believe me but my tatoo guy is here and i getting my face done, looks cool to, dont be mad just accept the Ocho please

The tattoo, as you can see, is of America’s wang, the state of Florida. Has your world been turned upside down? Well, keep your head on, folks: It was just a gag! Yep, this prankster just had someone Photoshop a smudge onto his mug. Ha ha, hilarious…?

The entire twitt world and media outlets got punked, that was my twitt joke from yesterday, they follow I’ll have fun with it.

My grandma would kill me if I had damn facial tatts!!! Fun while it lasted, back to normal, I felt different to.

In conclusion, you are never getting those five minutes or wasted brain cells back.

[The Globe and Mail] Whoa ho, what’s this? Actual good legal news about tattoos? It is! Nadine Bélisle, a daycare worker in Quebec, has been embroiled in a legal battle for five years now over whether or not she should be allowed to display the tattoo on her shoulder while on the job. Well, the results are in, and a Quebec Superior Court judge has decided that the policy that forced her to cover up was, in fact, a violation of her rights. Hot damn.

“Five years of frustrations have collapsed. I’m thrilled,” Ms. Bélisle, 35, said in an interview yesterday from her home in Saguenay. “This is a question of human rights, of freedom of expression.”

The May 27 ruling brings legal heft to the murky question of what’s appropriate to wear in the workplace, at a time of relaxing attitudes to dress codes. While body piercings and dressing down seem to be gaining acceptance, there are signs that more employers are drawing the line. This week, University of Montreal hospitals adopted dress codes for employees that prohibit jeans, short skirts and tattoos deemed to be in bad taste.

For Ms. Bélisle’s union, the visible-tattoo ban by the CPE La Pirouette, one of Quebec’s publicly funded daycares, went too far.

“Publicly funded” being the operative term there, I believe. I’m not sure whether or not this sort of ruling would apply to private businesses, and whether or not private enterprises should be beholden to the same standards of personnel decisions as public businesses is another matter altogether. As far as this case is concerned, the daycare’s position was that, while some tattoos are surely inoffensive, some may not be appropriate for the environment, and so a blanket ban was, for them, preferable to having to decide what was acceptable on a case-by-case basis. The ban, however, was determined to be prejudicial in nature, and that while violent or vulgar tattoos will still have to be covered, the majority will be free for display:

“Tattooing nowadays is a phenomenon that cuts across all levels of society,” [Judge Jean Bouchard] wrote. “If it was once associated with delinquents, that’s no longer the case.”

The daycare’s policy forced an employee with a tattoo of a butterfly or flower on her forearm or calf to wear pants or a long-sleeved shirt, even while working under a hot summertime sun, he wrote.

“This is, in the opinion of the court, ridiculous and outrageous.”

The daycare will still have the right to prohibit inappropriate tattoos including those expressing violence.

And that, well, that’s a fine precedent to set.

[Jason Dunn] And finally, Jason Dunn, a techie fella from Calgary, was vacationing in Japan when he came across this tattoo studio, bearing what he thinks may just be the worst (or at least the funniest) name for a tattoo studio possible. Oh, comical translations. We’ll let FailBlog decide.

Full Coverage: Links From All Over (June 9, 2009)

[Goldcoast] As we’ve discussed in the past, henna is, above most other things, an insidious plot by any number of shadowy poison syndicates to horrifically mangle and mutilate your young children. Don’t believe it? Well listen, then, to the tale of young Cannon Cribb:

The five-year-old recently returned from Bali where locals painted a dragon on his arm with what his parents now realise was a substance containing para-phenylenediamine (PPD).

All was fine until the tattoo wore off completely and the entire area welted into the shape of the original image, some two weeks after it was first put on.

The family now fear Cannon will be left with a life-long scar.

First of all, this kid’s name is Cannon. How awesome is that? Even money that he’s already the most popular in his class just because of that, and now he’s got a dragon on his arm? Look, it’s terrible in a lot of ways and something clearly has to be done about the shitbags who keep using this low-grade junk (it’s actually the additive PPD and not henna itself that causes this reaction, and the boy’s mother makes a very valid point: “‘What if a little girl got a butterfly on her face?”), but holy crap this kid is going to get so much ass. I mean, not as a five-year-old. Oh, God, no. We don’t support that. Plus, it’s not really physiologically possible. Hopefully. Who knows what kinda mutant hormones they’re draining into milk these days.

[Showbiz Spy] So hey, here is a very important article about popular sex actress Megan Fox, who, as it turns out, is just like everyone else out there who was mildly overbearing parents! Megan was all, “Hey I want to get tattooed,” and her mom was all, “But you’re so pretty already,” and Megan was all, “But I really really want a sleeve,” and her mom was all, “There’ll be none of that under my roof, young lady,” and Megan was all, “I’M A GROWN WOMAN I CAN DO WHAT I WANT,” and her mom was all, “RAAAAAAR NO YOU WON’T, NOW EAT YOUR BRUSSELS SPROUTS,” and so Megan ran to her room and slammed the door and cried herself to sleep, the end.

Megan Fox’s mother, Darlene, hates it when her superstar daughter gets a new tattoo.

Darlene is apparently furious at the Transformers star’s plans to cover her entire right arm in a tattoo “sleeve.”

“Her mom has never understood why her daughter would want to cover her gorgeous body with tattoos,” said an insider. “After each new tattoo, Darlene pleaded with Megan not to get more.

“Darlene believes that when Megan is a 40-year-old woman wanting to play more mature roles, people won’t want to hire her because it will be too hard to cover her tattoos.”

God it must really suck to be Megan Fox these days.

[NBA FanHouse] And finally, in celebration of tonight’s game three of everyone’s favorite NBA Finals between the Lakers and Magic, here is another heartbreaking tale of authoritarian power trying to limit the expression of tattooed people, except instead of parents it’s a multi-billion dollar clothing company, and instead of Megan Fox it’s a seven-foot-tall Polish man. Practically the same thing. Anyway, Marcin Gortat, back-up center for Orlando, has been a pleasant surprise for anybody betting on the Magic these playoffs, but apparently his sponsor, Reebok, is none too pleased with the way he’s chosen to adorn himself with terrible inky idolatry:

[Gortat] received an uncomfortable phone call last weekend from Reebok, with whom he has a shoe contract. Representatives of the company were not happy to see a picture of him from Game 1 in a Polish newspaper that prominently displayed his Michael Jordan/Nike logo tattoo on his lower right leg.

Reebok asked him either to wear higher socks tonight to cover up the tattoo, or to apply makeup so it will not be noticed through the rest of the NBA Finals.

“They called and said I had to do something about it, but that ain’t going to happen,” Gortat said after Tuesday morning’s workout.

“I’ve been wearing it 4-5 years now, and it helped me get to the NBA,” said Gortat. “They didn’t say anything about it when I signed the contract, so it’s not going anywhere. I don’t think they are paying me enough to take it off.”

This is hardly a first for Reebok. A few years back, San Francisco 49ers coach Mike Nolan decided to forgo the usual NFL coach’s warm-up jacket and track-pants ensemble and wear a suit on the sidelines. Which would have been fine, had Reebok not been the official provider of sideline clothing for the league’s coaches, and so the NFL denied him his suits. Finally, because this was such a stupid story, everyone lightened up and Reebok just designed some suits for him to wear. All of which is to say, we’re all praying for Gortat when he is inevitably captured by Reebok’s thugs and has his little Air Jordan logo covered with a Reebok-approved pump.

The NBA Is Destroying America, Again, With Tattoos

Hey everybody, it’s the NBA playoffs! You know what that means, right? You guessed it: idiotic columns from hateful jerk-offs about how tattoos are ruining the NBA! This time around, we’ve got Kyle McNary of the Minneapolis Sports Examiner waxing moronic. Does this horseshit warrant an FJM-style takedown? Oh, hell yes.

It sounds superficial. It probably is superficial. But, watching the NBA has become almost a chore for me, not because the talent is diluted and the art of great passing is all but gone, though it most certainly is, but because more than three quarters of NBA players have ugly tattoos.

I’m going to make a wild assumption here and guess that McNary hasn’t actually been an NBA fan in quite some time. He thinks the quality of game-play has declined, but that’s not why it’s a “chore” for him to watch—it’s because of the tattoos! This is akin to saying you have trouble watching NASCAR because of all the stickers on the cars, or that the San Diego Padres are unwatchable when they’re wearing those hideous camouflage jerseys. (When, in fact, both NASCAR and the Padres are unwatchable for entirely different reasons.) (Because they are both terrible, you see.)

Yes, I’m prejudiced against people with tattoos. I think they made a big mistake, I question their decision-making skills, and I think they probably lack in self esteem.

This sort of silly screed almost always retreats to this argument—that tattoos are absolutely a sign of lacking self-esteem. This has become the “terrorists hate us for our freedom” of the anti-tattoo crowd.

I think a small tattoo on a sailor’s forearm is okay, but more than a silver dollar size is too much. I think they make women look trashy, hence the word “tramp stamp,” though Beyonce could have her whole body tattooed and she’s (sic) still be gorgeous. I guess I just don’t get it.

Hey, all you men and women in the Navy, listen up. Kyle McNary thinks it’s just fine and dandy to get a small anchor or a single pair of breasts tattooed on your forearm, but anything more than that is probably a sign of a mind so wrought with self-image issues that you are unfit to serve the nation. He is correct. Beyonce, however, may cover herself in all the shitty tattoos she pleases, and Mr. McNary will be happy to continue to pleasure himself to her, because she would still be a strong and confident woman.

Evidently, when McNary says he doesn’t “get it,” “it” refers to “how to construct a meaningful and consistent argument.”

I’ve been watching the conference finals the past week, and the games have been pretty exciting.

Even though the NBA sucks now, right?

Not many people would have guessed that the Orlando Magic would be a Lebron three-pointer away from leading three games to none. But….I can’t get past these tattoos.

There are two players, one in each series, who must have OCTD–Obsessive Compulsive Tattoo Disorder.

One of the many dreaded side-effects of low self-esteem, naturally. TALK TO YOUR DOCTOR ABOUT OCTD!

On the Cleveland Cavaliers, Delonte West looks like he belongs in a circus. After filling up both arms, West actually walked into a tattoo parlor and said, “stick some needles in my neck.” It’s hard to tell where one ends and another starts, but he has at least a dozen tattoos, and looks like a moron. Sorry, but he does.

You know, Delonte West and I very rarely hang out, so I can’t say for certain, but…oh Christ, yes, I can say for certain that he did not actually walk into a tattoo parlor and say, “Stick some needles in my neck.” This is not the way people speak to each other. When you head to Olive Garden for your weekly pre-Idol free breadsticks, do you demand from your waiter, “HEY, CRAM SOME STARCHES IN MY FACE”?

In the West, the Denver Nuggets’ Chris Anderson is nicknamed “birdman,” supposedly because he can fly to the basket, and he flaps his arms after a big play. I actually think it’s a good nickname because he looks like a peacock.

Awesome. Nailed it. Great joke.

Basketball, when played right, can be a thing of beauty. But, the two-bit punk attitudes, tattoos and chest-beating has made a great sport look like a thug convention.

So, your problems with basketball currently include:

- Diluted talent pool
- Poor passing techniques
- Tattoos
- Punk attitudes
- Flashy play/“chest-beating”

So, you’re bothered by the quality of the athletes, the culture of the game and participants themselves…maybe, just maybe, you’ve outgrown the NBA? Seriously. There’s no shame in admitting that you and a former passion have moved in opposite directions as time has gone on. If the NBA offends you so much, why not stick to college ball, or the WNBA? Why punish yourself with continued patronage of a league with which you no longer feel a connection?

The Indiana Pacers’ Marquis Daniels had a tattoo of a man committing suicide (lovely), Gilbert Arenas has the words “change we believe in” on his fingers in honor of Barack Obama, Luke Walton has a tattoo in honor of the Grateful Dead, and Tim Duncan has a tattoo covering his chest in honor of the nerdy game Dungeons and Dragons. The most idiotic reason for getting a tattoo? Amare Stoudemire wins the award. The Sun’s star claims that “if I died right now, my kids could get to know me by my tats.” Uh, Amare, why don’t you just talk to your kids!

First of all, it’s truly wonderful that admist all your incessant jabbering about how tattoos are a sign of the thug culture that’s destroying the NBA, you reference Gilbert Arenas’s Obama tattoo, Tim Duncan’s Dungeons and Dragons tattoo and Luke Walton’s Grateful Dead tribute. THUGGISHNESS ABOUNDS.

Also, Amare’s kids are about two and three years old. They’re barely human beings at this point. Maybe he’s covered himself with symbols important enough to him that his kids could maybe glean some insight into the man’s life once they’re able to, you know, speak and remember things?

Nah, you’re right. He’s probably just some absentee fuck-up covered with “gang tatz.” You goddamn clown.

Full Coverage: Links From All Over (May 20, 2009)

[Fox 61] Hey, and they say visibly tattooed and pierced folks can’t get regular jobs! The video up top is a special investigation by FOX television’s Connecticut affiliate looking into a local band of bounty hunters (or Bail Enforcement Agents, as their jackets say), and oh look, IAM’s own Jeff “Phish” Goldblatt is among the head-breakers! Jeff, as many of you likely know, was a long-time body piercer (and still does some occasional piercing now, I believe), but these days, largely goes around kicking in doors and picking up fools who’ve skipped out on court dates and whatnot (all while being heavily tattooed and sporting stretched nostril piercings and such). Anyway, this video teaches a few things. First of all, I always figured cop shows were bullshitting when they showed officers literally kicking down doors like they were nothing, but apparently I am just weak. And second, when you want to get some folks riled up about your line of work, there’s no better soundtrack than Tool’s “Vicarious.”

[Winona Daily News] So here’s a fun new trend: Articles about tattoo shops that treat them like any other business! This one focuses on the issue of state regulation of “body art” studios, which is certainly worth discussing, and actually collects cogent and thoughtful arguments and points of view from a variety of sources. Ha ha, what?

[Chad Gregerson] remembered the lack of state guidelines when he ran a shop in Brooklyn Park, Minn., and he followed the seemingly annual back-and-forth by Minnesota legislators pushing for increased regulation during the past eight years while he was tattooing in La Crosse, Wis. As an artist in Wisconsin, however, he became familiar with that state’s guidelines on tattoo and body piercing shops, and he made exceeding those standards a goal for Tatu Royale – even if the shop was in a county and state that did not require it follow any specific guidelines, he said.

The author goes on to provide a fairly comprehensive (and not uninteresting) history of body art regulation in Winona County, dating back over 20 years. The relationship between tattoo and piercing shops and society as a whole has changed dramatically, of course, and many are coming around to the idea that interaction between the two sides mustn’t be adversarial. Some, however, see this as an argument against statewide regulations, since it’s this change in attitude that’s leading many shops to follow more rigorous health guidelines as determined by local authorities.

Winona County has not received a complaint related to a local tattoo shop in years, said Jill Johnson, county environmental services director. County officials considered local regulation about 10 years ago and determined it wasn’t needed.

The proposal put before the Legislature this year would have required a license for each body art shop, as well as for each artist. License fees likely would provide the state with a sizable return, but Kevin Leque, owner of Red Wing Tattoo in Winona, wonders whether it would be enough to finance enforcement.

He says regulation would hurt shops and do little to stop amateurs from giving tattoos out of their homes or at tattoo parties.

Gregerson disagrees, saying the entire body art industry would benefit if shops across the state were held to the same standards. Regulation would weed out many of the amateurs who make the mistakes that give reputable artists and shops a bad name, he said.

Regardless of one’s opinion on the matter at hand, it’s difficult to not be encouraged by the fact that this is a discussion that can now be held in public in a civilized and professional manner, free from paranoid non sequiturs—besides, those are the domain of the commenters:

laurie wrote on May 16, 2009 10:36 PM:
“I don’t think the government should regulate anything anymore! They are the reason we are in the recession now.
Whenever I hear of an F.D.A regulation I run as fast as I can the other direction.”


COSTANZA wrote on May 17, 2009 9:58 AM:
“I think what Lauire is talking about is the government is becoming to much like big brother. It is not the government responsibility to insure clean needles it should be the people’s own responsibility to make sure the tattoo is safe. If I get a tattoo I am going check up on the parlor and make sure every thing is clean and safe.”


[Denver Post] Continuing today’s unprecedented string of positive mainstream articles about tattoos (?!), here’s a fine piece about the Denver Nuggets, who, as we’ve mentioned before, are just cold covered in tattoos, and are now facing the L.A. Lakers in the NBA’s Western Conference Finals. (Anyone see the game last night? How in the hell do you have Carter do the inbound with three seconds left with Odom guarding him? Guhhh.) Anyway, the author speaks to a number of the players about their tattoos, and does a fine job of demystifying and debunking the “thug” label that’s been foisted upon them by many:

“I think tattoos are a little bit from a culture of warriors,” said Nuggets coach George Karl, who has considered but not taken the plunge of getting tattoos that match what his adult daughter and son wear. “I’m not comparing basketball players to warriors, but there’s nature of competition that’s always been compared to warriors. And I like symbolism.”


This season, [Chris Andersen] said with a smirk, “We might not lead the league in stats, but we do in tats.” Indeed, the Nuggets are linked by ink. But asked if this is a special situation, guard Anthony Carter said: “I don’t know if it’s special, because a lot of people think it’s ‘thug’ — they have a different interpretation of tattoos. And it’s by how (physical) we play, too.”


[During] one timeout at the Mavericks’ arena, the big screen featured a phony television commercial, in the spirit of those, “Here’s to you, Mr. . . .” Bud Light ads. It was titled “Mr. Overly Tattooed NBA Player” and featured photos of the visitors fromDenver. It came across as cutesy, but there was veiled condemnation.

“A lot of players do have meaningful tattoos, and a lot of people don’t understand it,” Carter said. “They think it’s for fashion and trying to look tough and stuff like that. But everybody has meaningful tattoos.”


Smith proudly proclaims himself “Mama’s boy” with a tattoo on his chest; he said Ida Smith “is my best friend. I can say anything to her. She always gives me good advice. And that helps me on the basketball court, because then I’m more free at mind.”

Carter and Martin also have maternal marks. Martin has red lips on his neck, those being the smackers of his girlfriend, rap artist Trina.

And while we’re on the subject of sports…

[YouTube] Let’s conclude this fine news round-up with Jimmy Kimmel’s recent interview with famed boxer and occasional crazy-person Mike Tyson, who seems uncharacteristically calm and lucid (or maybe medicated?). It’s an interesting conversation, and Tyson spends some time discussing his facial tattoo and why he got it in the first place. Would you believe he initially wanted a smattering of hearts and stars before a friend convinced him to go the tribal route? Because I absolutely, unequivocally do. I don’t know if there’s anything I believe more than that fact.

BME News and Notes: Video Edition

Hey, so, first things first, this here is a band from scenic Canada, North America, called The Ending, who have just filmed the fancy video for their song “Freakshow” that you see above. Now, normally, we don’t give preferential promotional space to bands (other than Pearl Jam, who I will promote forever and so help me God you will like it), but what do you know, they’ve got people doing all sorts of fun sideshow stuff in the video! Also, it features BME super-hunks Orbax, Sweet Pepper Klopek and Russ Foxx! Go look at your friends, people.

Moving right along, how would you like to be on television? Specifically, MTV? Well, here’s some pertinent information!

MTV’s True Life is casting for an upcoming episode and seeks young people, 16-26, at odds with their parents over their relationship; mainly because of their significant other’s interest in tattoos or body modification.

You can email your situation to [email protected], and be sure to include your name, age, location, phone number, and recent photo of yourself.

If anyone who reads this is featured on the show, please do everything you can to infiltrate MTV and punch everyone on The Hills in the balls.

And finally, apparently Playboy is too fancy to allow embedding of their videos, but this here is some kinda folk song dedicated to the Denver Nuggets and their tattoos. The Nuggets, who advanced to the NBA’s Western Conference Finals last night, are pretty much, to a person, covered from elbow to asshole in tattoos. The song isn’t hilarious, but hey, sports + tattoos + acoustic guitar + Playboy = Welcome to ModBlog!

Full Coverage: Links From All Over (Feb. 20, 2009)

[CNBC] Scandal rocked the worlds of sports, print media and soft-core pornography this week when it was revealed that Sports Illustrated digitally removed IndyCar racer Danica Patrick‘s lower-back tattoo from her photos in this year’s Swimsuit Issue. (The chilling photographic evidence is above.) When made aware of this startling injustice, Patrick’s camp issued the following response:

“Danica is aware of the edits and is comfortable with the final photos.”

What sort of high-level coercion are these Sports Illustrated fat-cats using to elicit this sort of timid, fearful response? The publication outright refused to comment on the subject, for at least a day, until CNBC’s Darren Rovell was able to squeeze the following explanation from an SI spokesperson:

“The Swimsuit Issue emphasizes natural beauty [...] The freckles are left on and, in this case, the tattoos came off.”

Oh. Well, that makes sense. When you look at it that way, actually, this is a fairly historic move for the Swimsuit Issue. Indeed, the magazine’s photo editors also went ahead and Photoshopped all of the models’ breasts back to their original sizes, used only natural light, and limited their airbrushing to erasing offensive tattoos like Patrick’s. The issue has thus far sold seven copies.

[Citizens Voice] So you may have heard about the case of this cretin, this fool, Holly Crawford of Sweet Valley, Pennsylvania, who was arrested for selling what she called “Gothic Kittens.” These are just like regular kittens, except this dildo had pierced their ears, the napes of their necks, and cut off their tails and pierced the remaining nubs, and then attempted to make a business of selling these to … who the hell would buy these? Anyway, the case is going to court now, Crawford is facing criminal charges and, as such, more details are emerging:

“This was tying a rubber band around a cat’s tail so tight that it falls off,” said Deputy District Attorney David Pedri. “She caused the cats pain. She did this to sell them to make money.”

Crawford’s defense attorney, Demetrius Fannick, argued state law “goes on and on” about specific acts of animal cruelty, but nothing about piercing cats and docking their tails.

Prosecutors said a part of the cruelty included Crawford tying rubber bands around the tails of the cats so they would fall off. She’d then pierce the nub.

“There’s nothing in the statute that expressly says you can’t pierce your cat’s ears or necks, or even crop their tails,” Fannick said. “It’s a case that you will be for or against as an animal owner. Let the legislature say you can’t pierce or tattoo your animal, and it will be different.”

Magisterial District Judge Paul Hadzick said the case was a gray area in the law and predicted it might one day cause for a clarification in the law. At the very least, he said it’s a case that should be decided by a jury or a higher judge.

“I don’t think that the decision is for me to be made here,” Hadzick said.

While it’s probably true that this is fundamentally not all that different from pet owners who clip their pets’ ears and tails, this just seems particularly idiotic to me for some reason — probably the winning combination of animal abuse with the hoary old “piercings are goth!” chestnut.

[Scripps News] Good news, tattoo artists, the recession is over! For you, at least! The anecdotal evidence is in and has decisively shown that people would rather get tattooed than eat or give their children medicine.

“My question is ‘What recession’?” said Kate Hellenbrand, a tattoo artist for the past 38 years. “Every day, new clients are being born. The media promotes the industry. There are ads everywhere and sports heroes, rock n’ roll stars and models all have tattoos.”

While this may be true, it may also be a touch skewed coming from one of the most famous tattoo artists in the world, but nonetheless. The article goes on:

Sergio Reynoso of Salt Lake Tattootland was one of the few vendors who said the recession has hurt his business. Since about 80 percent of clients are Latinos, many experiencing trouble finding a job in a down construction industry, he has noticed a drop in business. He has, however, been doing a good business lately repairing or sprucing up bad tattoos done on the street by less qualified artists.

I’m not so P.C. that I’m going to act terribly offended by the implication all Latinos seem to be in the construction industry, but holy crap is this poorly written. Anyway, let’s bring it on home:

Even in Seattle — where thousands have been laid off in recent months — tattoo art is a shelter in the storm. Seattle tattoo artist April Cornell keeps quite busy.

“If you weren’t watching the news, you would not know there was a recession,” she said.

Artist Vinnie Almanza of Anchorage, Alaska, said he was booked all weekend in Salt Lake and is booked through June at his home shop. “One thing people definitely don’t have a problem spending on is their ink,” he said. “It’s like an addiction.”

There you have it: A statistically meaningless sample size that likens the impulse to get tattoo work to your common booze and drug addictions, as proof that tattooing is recession-proof. I can’t wait to read several thousand more of these articles over the next 10 months, at which point I will have to sell my computer, to eat, or more likely, to get tattooed. Best recession ever!

The Super Bowl, Ass Tattoos and You

With the Super Bowl just around the corner, it’s the season for poorly conceived bets and all manner of bribery in exchange for tickets! What fun, right? And really, what better way to prove one’s devotion to a football (that is “soccer,” to Europeans, or something) team than getting a tattoo of, wait, a radio station logo? Hey, whatever works. Fredy Gutierrez, a fellow Arizona Cardinals fan, desperately wanted to go to the big game but could not afford the estimated million-dollar ticket price, but luckily, Phoenix-area radio station 620 KTAR was having a sadistic contest in which some poor sap need only tattoo their ass with the station’s call letters to receive two of these golden tickets. Mission accomplished! Photographic evidence above.

Gutierrez is taking his nine-year-old son, Marcus, to Sunday’s game.

“The only thing I can say is that I hope that my son enjoys it,” Gutierrez said about the game.

Marcus said he is looking forward to going to the game, and will likely have memories from the experience that will last a lifetime – just like his father will.

What does Gutierrez’s wife think about the new tattoo?

“She thinks I’m pretty crazy,” Gutierrez said.

Ha ha, crazy indeed. At least he got something out of it, though — consider the curious case of Deadspin editor A.J Daulerio, a Philadelphia Eagles fan who made a bet with former Deadspin editor and Arizona Cardinals fan, Will Leitch, when those two teams played each other in last week’s conference championship. Among the items Daulerio put on the line in the event of an Eagles loss (others included treating Leitch to a sushi dinner and letting the former editor smash him in the face with a cookie sheet, on video) was getting a tattoo of a buzzsaw — a reference to a depressing nickname for the Cardinals — on his ass. He was very excited about the prospect!

Let it be known: I currently have no tattoos on any part of my body, have never had any desire to get one, nor would I even take this bet unless I was 100 percent convinced there would be no possibility of me losing. So there. Shock me, Buzzsaw.

But because God hates a boaster, and patchy facial hair, the Cardinals were indeed triumphant over the Eagles! Daulerio took it rather well:

If anyone knows any tattoo artists who are willing to put a buzzsaw on me, well, let me know. This fucking sucks.

And indeed, last night, the soon-to-be-tattooed design was unveiled:

Hey, that’s pretty tasteful! Meanwhile, Daulerio has quietly accepted his fate.

I’m meeting a prospective artist over at DareDevil Tattoo in the Lower East Side in a few minutes to find out just how long, painful, and ridiculous-looking this image would be. Many people have tried to talk me out of following through with my end of the Mayor’s Bet (including the Emeritus himself), but, personally, I feel like not following through with it would be even more lame than actually having a buzzsaw tattoo forever.

Well, Daulerio is nothing if not a man of his word. This afternoon, he did indeed make the journey to Dare Devil Tattoo, and displayed the stoicism one hopes for in a “blogger,” as it were.

I was under the impression that tattoos, even the most pedestrian ones in the shape of power tools, would take a long period of time. Thankfully, Michelle from Dare Devil Tattoo is well-honed in her craft. It only took about 20 minutes, was relatively painless, and no blood was spilled. But now I’m forever scarred and, also, forever an unintentional lifelong supporter of The Buzzsaw That Is The Arizona Cardinals. Or woodworking.

Hey, it could be worse! You could be getting hit in the face with a cookie she— oh, right. Well, all’s well that ends well, or something. Did Daulerio at least learn a lesson from this sordid tale of intrigue?

I will never, ever bet on the Philadelphia Eagles again.


Fuck you, Eagles.

That’s the spirit! Go Buzzsaw!

He Did What? [620 KTAR]
Hope. Change. Buzzsaw Tattoos, The Buttsaw That Is The Arizona Cardinals [Deadspin]

A Goal is a Dream with a Deadline

I do not really know anything about soccer. In fact, everything I know about it, I pretty much learned from this blog post. But a cursory reading of Wikipedia will show that this impressive portrait tattoo is of Juan Sebastián Verón, an Argentine footballer currently manning the midfield for Estudiantes de La Plata. Apparently, Verón is kind of a big deal:

In 2004, he was chosen for the FIFA 100, a list of the 125 greatest living footballers selected by Pelé as part of FIFA’s centenary observances.

Wait a second — I’m no word scientist or nothin’, but why is the FIFA 100 a list of 125 players? Man, I really don’t understand soccer at all.

(Tattoo by Andres Hurtado from La City Tattoo in La Plata, Buenos Aires, Argentina, while doing a guest-spot at Tattoo Lou’s in Long Island, New York.)

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