Prelude to the Fall

The first time I had the chance to see a Go-Pro camera was at BMEFest this summer.  This little compact camera seemed indestructible.  It’s no wonder that “extreme” sports enthusiasts are embracing cameras like it to record their antics.  Chad is one such rider.  He was visiting his friend Jackie Rabbit at Star City Tattoo in Roanoke, VA to show off his latest video.  While they were watching it he had the urge to get a biking related tattoo.  Jackie sprung into action.  She quickly rewound the tape to the moment right before Chad took a header into a ditch.  From that still came this, a sports tattoo that captures the moment perfectly.

GOOOOOOOAL

Over the years there have been a lot of takes on the “torn away flesh” tattoo.  I think this is the first one I’ve seen where a football club kit was used as the underlying layer.

For those wondering, that’s the shirt for Grêmio, a Brazilian football club based out of Porto Alegre.  The artist is credited as Mana Tattoo, from Scorpions Tattoo RS in Porto Alegre.

The Metal Mulisha

For those who don’t watch the X-Games, or follow motocross at all, then you probably have never heard of The Metal Mulisha.  For everyone else, they know that the Mulisha is a team of riders who enjoy pushing the limits of their respective sports.  By pushing said limits they’ve garnered a huge fan base, and make money hand over fist by selling their merchandise.

A number of parallels can be drawn between members of the Metal Mulisha and members of the BME community.  While they do what they can to push themselves to the limit of their respective sports for personal satisfaction, modified people also push their bodies to extremes in order to fulfill their needs for personal satisfaction.

Now fans of the Mulisha will tell you that just strapping on a helmet and hopping on a bike is only part of the lifestyle.  The members of the Mulisha all are world renown athletes, with world records and countless medals spread amongst them.  To the fans, these guys are the best of the best, and will go out of their way to support them.

Take for example a recent client of Jamie Henderson from Forsaken Ink in Bloomburg, NY.  He wanted to get the Metal Mulisha skull logo, and Jamie certainly didn’t disappoint.

skull

This particular image comes from the skull tattoo gallery, but more of Jamie’s work can be found spread across many of the other galleries.

Full Coverage: Links From All Over (June 9, 2009)

[Goldcoast] As we’ve discussed in the past, henna is, above most other things, an insidious plot by any number of shadowy poison syndicates to horrifically mangle and mutilate your young children. Don’t believe it? Well listen, then, to the tale of young Cannon Cribb:

The five-year-old recently returned from Bali where locals painted a dragon on his arm with what his parents now realise was a substance containing para-phenylenediamine (PPD).

All was fine until the tattoo wore off completely and the entire area welted into the shape of the original image, some two weeks after it was first put on.

The family now fear Cannon will be left with a life-long scar.

First of all, this kid’s name is Cannon. How awesome is that? Even money that he’s already the most popular in his class just because of that, and now he’s got a dragon on his arm? Look, it’s terrible in a lot of ways and something clearly has to be done about the shitbags who keep using this low-grade junk (it’s actually the additive PPD and not henna itself that causes this reaction, and the boy’s mother makes a very valid point: “‘What if a little girl got a butterfly on her face?”), but holy crap this kid is going to get so much ass. I mean, not as a five-year-old. Oh, God, no. We don’t support that. Plus, it’s not really physiologically possible. Hopefully. Who knows what kinda mutant hormones they’re draining into milk these days.

[Showbiz Spy] So hey, here is a very important article about popular sex actress Megan Fox, who, as it turns out, is just like everyone else out there who was mildly overbearing parents! Megan was all, “Hey I want to get tattooed,” and her mom was all, “But you’re so pretty already,” and Megan was all, “But I really really want a sleeve,” and her mom was all, “There’ll be none of that under my roof, young lady,” and Megan was all, “I’M A GROWN WOMAN I CAN DO WHAT I WANT,” and her mom was all, “RAAAAAAR NO YOU WON’T, NOW EAT YOUR BRUSSELS SPROUTS,” and so Megan ran to her room and slammed the door and cried herself to sleep, the end.

Megan Fox’s mother, Darlene, hates it when her superstar daughter gets a new tattoo.

Darlene is apparently furious at the Transformers star’s plans to cover her entire right arm in a tattoo “sleeve.”

“Her mom has never understood why her daughter would want to cover her gorgeous body with tattoos,” said an insider. “After each new tattoo, Darlene pleaded with Megan not to get more.

“Darlene believes that when Megan is a 40-year-old woman wanting to play more mature roles, people won’t want to hire her because it will be too hard to cover her tattoos.”

God it must really suck to be Megan Fox these days.

[NBA FanHouse] And finally, in celebration of tonight’s game three of everyone’s favorite NBA Finals between the Lakers and Magic, here is another heartbreaking tale of authoritarian power trying to limit the expression of tattooed people, except instead of parents it’s a multi-billion dollar clothing company, and instead of Megan Fox it’s a seven-foot-tall Polish man. Practically the same thing. Anyway, Marcin Gortat, back-up center for Orlando, has been a pleasant surprise for anybody betting on the Magic these playoffs, but apparently his sponsor, Reebok, is none too pleased with the way he’s chosen to adorn himself with terrible inky idolatry:

[Gortat] received an uncomfortable phone call last weekend from Reebok, with whom he has a shoe contract. Representatives of the company were not happy to see a picture of him from Game 1 in a Polish newspaper that prominently displayed his Michael Jordan/Nike logo tattoo on his lower right leg.

Reebok asked him either to wear higher socks tonight to cover up the tattoo, or to apply makeup so it will not be noticed through the rest of the NBA Finals.

“They called and said I had to do something about it, but that ain’t going to happen,” Gortat said after Tuesday morning’s workout.

“I’ve been wearing it 4-5 years now, and it helped me get to the NBA,” said Gortat. “They didn’t say anything about it when I signed the contract, so it’s not going anywhere. I don’t think they are paying me enough to take it off.”

This is hardly a first for Reebok. A few years back, San Francisco 49ers coach Mike Nolan decided to forgo the usual NFL coach’s warm-up jacket and track-pants ensemble and wear a suit on the sidelines. Which would have been fine, had Reebok not been the official provider of sideline clothing for the league’s coaches, and so the NFL denied him his suits. Finally, because this was such a stupid story, everyone lightened up and Reebok just designed some suits for him to wear. All of which is to say, we’re all praying for Gortat when he is inevitably captured by Reebok’s thugs and has his little Air Jordan logo covered with a Reebok-approved pump.

Full Coverage: Links From All Over (June 5, 2009)

[Chicago Sun-Times] Hey, Chicago sports-fans! Think you’re the biggest homer around, with your shelf full of bobbleheads and closet full of jerseys and your vial full of Jay Cutler’s…”essence”? Well, think again. As the photos from Ruben Brown’s Motorcycle Run—”a charity ride that raises cash for the Salvation Army”—will show, Glenn Timmermann’s got you beat.

Timmermann, 45, a Round Lake Beach factory manager who has covered his body in Bears-related tattoos. He has 92 autographs inked on to him permanently, highlighted by Da Coach’s signature across the back of his skull.

Ninety-two Bears-related autographs! Sweet fancy Moses. (This also bests the previous ModBlog record-holder of 89 autograph tattoos, for the record.) That said, I’d be more impressed if he got all of these folks to actually tattoo their own signatures into him. Take it from me, kids: You haven’t lived until you’ve been laid out on Mike Ditka’s lap while he taps his name into the back of your head with one hand, eats several pounds of wings with the other hand and calls you a pussy with either fiber of his being.

[Swing By The Balls] Once upon a time, Trent Reznor of Nine Inch Nails got his hands on an old BME video called “Roy’s Nut Hang.” I don’t remember the exact story, but he and his band watched it in the studio and everybody, to a man, was thoroughly disgusted, with Reznor calling it something along the lines of “the sickest shit I’ve ever seen,” before the damn kids turned “sick” into a good thing. (Reznor, keep in mind, had worked with Bob Flanagan on the “Happiness in Slavery” video, so he was no stranger to BDSM and extreme body manipulation.) All of which is to say, I’m not going to say the linked video necessarily compares with Roy’s nut hang of yore, but it’s one hell of an impressive feat nonetheless, and there’s a gold star in it for anyone who gets ol’ Trent to watch it.

[Daily Record] Well, here’s a real piece of shit. Local scumbag Jeffrey Dekmar of Stockholm, New Jersey, a 17-year veteran of The Tattoo Factory in Roxbury, has had a mess of legal troubles lately. This is just abysmal:

Dekmar was first accused in February of sexually assaulting a client at the Ledgewood tattoo parlor while inking a Hebrew prayer on the 23-year-old woman’s upper thigh on Feb. 21. Shortly after he was arrested on that sexual assault allegation, he was served with a second complaint that stated he rubbed his genitals against another woman’s genitals, without her consent, at The Tattoo Factory on Feb. 21.

The patron who wanted the prayer inked on her skin has alleged that she refused Dekmar’s request that she remove her underpants, but that he tugged them down, digitally penetrated her, and then said, “My bad,” according to an arrest complaint.

Holy crap, guys! Does that work? Can you just pull down a girl’s underpants, poke around a little and then get out of it with a simple, “My bad”? Jesus. Somebody give this guy the Nobel Prize. Anyway, this failure is back in the news because he’s been charged with breaking into his former place of employment and stealing about $200—this, of course, while on bail following that whole fingerbanging fiasco. Of course.

[PR Web] And finally, let’s wrap up this round-up with a touching story about tattoos, the American Dream, World of Warcraft and…boobs. Huh. Well! This was legitimately news to me, but apparently, if one were so inclined, one is able to purchase “gold” from a third-party web site to use as currency in the popular computer game World of Warcraft. So, one of these sites, MYMMOShop.com, has deduced that online gaming and porn may have some crossover fans, and have capitalized on this market in a fairly provocative manner!

MyMMOShop.com has paid Russian porn star Anna Morgan to tattoo their company’s logo and website URL to her breasts. The company feels that her natural dd sized breasts will provide an ample space for the advertisement. Given the number of films porn stars tend to make in a year’s time, the tattoo should be seen many thousands of times. Anna has agreed not to alter the tattoo for at least two years.

[...]

“A female porn star can easily appear in 50-100 films per year so this gives mymmoshop.com a lot of exposure for years to come,” according to Hunter Crowell the media relations office for the company.

Quick! Someone steal the Nobel Prize we just awarded to the fingerbanger up there and give it to the ad wizards who came up with this scheme. But seriously.

The Super Bowl, Ass Tattoos and You


With the Super Bowl just around the corner, it’s the season for poorly conceived bets and all manner of bribery in exchange for tickets! What fun, right? And really, what better way to prove one’s devotion to a football (that is “soccer,” to Europeans, or something) team than getting a tattoo of, wait, a radio station logo? Hey, whatever works. Fredy Gutierrez, a fellow Arizona Cardinals fan, desperately wanted to go to the big game but could not afford the estimated million-dollar ticket price, but luckily, Phoenix-area radio station 620 KTAR was having a sadistic contest in which some poor sap need only tattoo their ass with the station’s call letters to receive two of these golden tickets. Mission accomplished! Photographic evidence above.

Gutierrez is taking his nine-year-old son, Marcus, to Sunday’s game.

“The only thing I can say is that I hope that my son enjoys it,” Gutierrez said about the game.

Marcus said he is looking forward to going to the game, and will likely have memories from the experience that will last a lifetime – just like his father will.

What does Gutierrez’s wife think about the new tattoo?

“She thinks I’m pretty crazy,” Gutierrez said.

Ha ha, crazy indeed. At least he got something out of it, though — consider the curious case of Deadspin editor A.J Daulerio, a Philadelphia Eagles fan who made a bet with former Deadspin editor and Arizona Cardinals fan, Will Leitch, when those two teams played each other in last week’s conference championship. Among the items Daulerio put on the line in the event of an Eagles loss (others included treating Leitch to a sushi dinner and letting the former editor smash him in the face with a cookie sheet, on video) was getting a tattoo of a buzzsaw — a reference to a depressing nickname for the Cardinals — on his ass. He was very excited about the prospect!

Let it be known: I currently have no tattoos on any part of my body, have never had any desire to get one, nor would I even take this bet unless I was 100 percent convinced there would be no possibility of me losing. So there. Shock me, Buzzsaw.

But because God hates a boaster, and patchy facial hair, the Cardinals were indeed triumphant over the Eagles! Daulerio took it rather well:

If anyone knows any tattoo artists who are willing to put a buzzsaw on me, well, let me know. This fucking sucks.

And indeed, last night, the soon-to-be-tattooed design was unveiled:

Hey, that’s pretty tasteful! Meanwhile, Daulerio has quietly accepted his fate.

I’m meeting a prospective artist over at DareDevil Tattoo in the Lower East Side in a few minutes to find out just how long, painful, and ridiculous-looking this image would be. Many people have tried to talk me out of following through with my end of the Mayor’s Bet (including the Emeritus himself), but, personally, I feel like not following through with it would be even more lame than actually having a buzzsaw tattoo forever.

Well, Daulerio is nothing if not a man of his word. This afternoon, he did indeed make the journey to Dare Devil Tattoo, and displayed the stoicism one hopes for in a “blogger,” as it were.

I was under the impression that tattoos, even the most pedestrian ones in the shape of power tools, would take a long period of time. Thankfully, Michelle from Dare Devil Tattoo is well-honed in her craft. It only took about 20 minutes, was relatively painless, and no blood was spilled. But now I’m forever scarred and, also, forever an unintentional lifelong supporter of The Buzzsaw That Is The Arizona Cardinals. Or woodworking.

Hey, it could be worse! You could be getting hit in the face with a cookie she— oh, right. Well, all’s well that ends well, or something. Did Daulerio at least learn a lesson from this sordid tale of intrigue?

I will never, ever bet on the Philadelphia Eagles again.

[...]

Fuck you, Eagles.

That’s the spirit! Go Buzzsaw!

He Did What? [620 KTAR]
Hope. Change. Buzzsaw Tattoos, The Buttsaw That Is The Arizona Cardinals [Deadspin]