Body Modification Artist Missing

Posted on August 11, 2009 by BME

It’s come to our attention that Andrew Niland of North Bay, Ontario, pictured above, has gone missing. In the North Bay Nugget, Maria Calabrese reports:

Friends are using a Facebook group to find a man who has been missing since Aug. 4, and North Bay police are circulating his picture in hopes of asking the public’s help.

[…]

Police said friends reported Niland missing and confirm he is not wanted by police.

Niland has been free on bail since February after he and his girlfriend Adrianne Carbone, 21, were charged with aggravated assault for performing a labia reduction on a woman earlier that month at his residence.

A friend describes Niland as:

A 30-year-old piercer at Sacred Art in North Bay. He has been missing since 6:30pm on Tuesday August 4th, 2009. He is 5’10”, 150 lbs, shaved brown hair, blue eyes and is easily identified by his 1 ¼ inch stretched ear lobes, and various tattoos including stars on his forehead and “Vegan 4-Life” on his forearms.

Anyone with information leading to Andy’s whereabouts should contact his friends at Sacred Art (1111 Cassells St. North Bay 705-495-1962) or Detective Constable Jim Kilroy (North Bay City Police 705-497-5555).

Full Coverage: Links From All Over (Aug. 6, 2009)

Posted on August 6, 2009 by Jordan Ginsberg

[YouTube] Ha ha, so, you guys are all familiar with vampiric fashionista Christian Audigier and his fancy line of premium Ed Hardy T-shirts/underpants/bed sheets/catheters/crack pipes/etc., yes? These tattoo-culture-appropriating items haven’t been particularly popular among some of the, shall we say, more thoughtful fans of body modification, but finally, there is a trio of men brave enough to stand up to this corporate nightmare, via an old-fashioned rap diss track. Hooray! Andy Milonakis, Dirt Nasty and Rich Hill have joined forces to craft this masterpiece of the modern age, succinctly titled, “Fuck Ed Hardy.” We were kind of hoping this would have been the straw to break the camel’s back and sent Audigier on trip inside his psyche, questioning his motives and finally renouncing the dumb clothes he’s been making a mint off of, but apparently he just chuckled and then went about his day, unfortunately. Oh well. Even still, this is worth it just for the line, “It looks like a dragon threw up on your dick.” Oh yeah, NSFW, etc.

[WSMV] Look, we don’t know how many times we have to tell you that, above all else, BME is for the children—we are saying it constantly, in auditoriums and bodegas around the country, basically to anybody who will listen, and still our advice goes ignored, time and time again. So let us just say this one more time: temporary tattoos are trying to kill your children. Remember? Remember? This has happened at least three times now: Some innocent kid gets some low-grade henna at the mall or something and it ends up burning the shit out of them, permanently, and only once did the kid’s parents have the foresight to give him the bad-ass name “Cannon Cribb.” These other youngsters? Shit outta luck. Here’s the latest tale, straight out of Nashville:

An 11-year-old girl who recently received a temporary tattoo at an Opry Mills mall kiosk was left with painful and permanent scars.

The child’s mother said it was meant to be a simple symbol of softball team spirit, but her daughter was left scarred and burned.

[…]

“Each time a blister would bust, another one would form,” said the child’s mother, Tammy.

[…]

[The family’s attorney] believes the girl’s injuries point to a type of henna known as black henna. It’s a chemical the FDA won’t allow for the temporary tattoos because it can cause this type of reaction.

[…]

“She has a lot of kids that’ll ask her, ‘Oh, you got a tattoo.’ And she has to go and explain, ‘No, I don’t. This is what happened to me,’” said Tammy. “I don’t want any more kids to get hurt.”

How many more children will automatically become the coolest kids in their school before this menace is stopped? Seriously though, whoever the mutants are who are just painting kids with this poison willy-nilly, you are worse than Mecha-Hitler.

[Twitter] And finally, the Meghan McCain Reality Tour keeps on truckin’! The almost-first-daughter of yesteryear has been known to display something of an “independence streak,” often talking about how much she loves the ol’ counter-culture, which is probably very troubling to her poor family. Below is a recent “tweet” missive of hers, in which she does nothing to dissuade us of the theory that her Twitter account is ghost-written by Marisa from Needles and Sins. (Kidding! Kidding! Love you, Marisa!)

Tattoo Hollywood, BME’s first tattoo convention, is coming to Los Angeles from August 21-23, featuring contests, prizes and some of the best artists from around the world! Click here for more information.

Full Coverage: Links From All Over (Aug. 4, 2009)

Posted on August 4, 2009 by Jordan Ginsberg

[HeraldNet] Oh boy, here come the waterworks. We realize there can be a tendency to be overly jaded at times when it comes to body modification and the ways in which it’s covered in the media, and that cynicism can bleed over into the ways in which we think about body modification in general—a quickness to criticize someone for being too impulsive or any number of other middling concerns aren’t uncommon. But sometimes, and probably pretty often, body modification is still an intensely meaningful act for many people, and something as simple as a tattoo can provide a person with motivation they might otherwise be lacking. Well, Debra Smith has written a truly touching piece here about a young man, Patrick Conley, who, knowing he was dying of cancer in his mid-twenties, made a concerted effort to, for lack of a much better term, start crossing things off his bucket list. Skydiving, off-road trucking, attending every sporting event and recital of his kids’ that he possibly could—he made all that happen. But because of his weakened immune system, the one wish he wasn’t able to fulfill was getting a tattoo.

By the start of this summer, Conley’s health had deteriorated so much, it didn’t matter. He made an appointment with a Seattle tattoo artist.

He kept the design a secret. A few days before his appointment, he climbed in his truck and made the drive to downtown Seattle to pick up a rendering of the design.

A few hours later, Conley arrived home gasping for breath. He staggered up the stairs of their townhome and planted the design facedown on his bedroom dresser, and headed straight for bed. Charity called the hospice nurse.

Patrick Conley died the next morning on July 16. His wife sat by his side through the night, heard his last words, held his head as he drew his last breath.

In the emotional tumult, no one gave much thought to Conley’s only unfulfilled wish.

Except the hospice nurse. And she knew just who to call.

I’d rather not spoil the end, but you may be able to see where this is going. Either way, this is something we actually like and well worth the read.

[Metro] Ha ha, this is more like it! Who needs “feelings” and junk when you can have headlines like, “Tattooed Gangster Forced to Look Like Tom Selleck”? Classic, right? So, the story goes, some alleged hoodlum had a gang tattoo on his upper lip and, after being chased by police, just got booted right in the kisser by a cop, apparently because this tattoo identified him as some sort of undesirable. He is now suing for $5 million, and his lawyer has made some excellent suggestions:

Pachecho has filed a $5 million legal claim against the city on behalf of the 24-year-old for alleged assault.

He claims that his client now suffers from headaches and blurred vision among other symptoms. Pacheco feared jurors would judge Rodriguez on his ‘Flores’ gang tattoo, inked on his lip.

So he has issued a digitally altered picture of his client “looking like [actor] Tom Selleck”, complete with bushy moustache – which he has positioned next to Rodriguez’s original police mugshot.

He will also grow hair to cover the tattoos on his shaved head. And he’ll wear a smart suit.

“People get past looks when you put on a suit and your hair is grown,” Pacheco said.

Honestly, they could have just said, “Grow a mustache,” but for some reason—to make the jobs of people me easier, I suppose—they went full-tilt with the Tom Selleck comparisons, and you know what? I thank them for that.

[Post Chronicle] And finally, the Chris Brown Public Image Rehabilitation Campaign continues with him, huh, trying to one-up the ex-girlfriend he beat the holy shit out of? Sounds like a solid plan. As I’m sure you all remember, last month, Rihanna made headlines everywhere with her daring attempts at becoming a tattoo artist, or something, and then caused some controversy because she was not licensed and therefore got tattooing banned in the state of New York. Well, her erstwhile shit-bag romantic consort is trying his hand at the ol’ needle and ink, too! Very exciting.

The ‘Run It’ singer has decided to mimic his ex-girlfriend – who he pleaded guilty
to assaulting earlier this year – by inking a design on celebrity tattoo artist Bang Bang.

‘Umbrella’ hitmaker Rihanna recently left a lasting impression on the artist – real name Keith McCurdy – by drawing an umbrella with an ‘R’ underneath it on his leg.

However, Chris, 20, has outdone his former girlfriend by creating his own design – a cartoon face with the word ‘Bang’ above it.

[…]

“He did a great job too. He’s a natural, which is funny because I said the same thing about Rihanna. She was really good the first time, but he was better.”

Without a hint of hyperbole or sarcasm, this is probably the most important news story of the last ten years.

Full Coverage: Links From All Over (July 27, 2009)

Posted on July 27, 2009 by Jordan Ginsberg

[HTMLGIANT] Well, after last week’s sober discussion of policy and legalities and whatnot, we’ve got some comparatively light fare to kick off our illustrious news week this time around. First things first, looks like a few of those bookish types over at HTMLGIANT are putting together a book project of literary tattoos, which is the sort of thing we may have clowned in the past (seeing as there’s no shortage of one-joke cash-grabs centered around stolen tattoo photos), but these folks seem to have the right idea:

Submissions are open to all kinds of literary tattoo work: quotations from your favorite writer, opening lines of novels, lines of verse, literary portraits or illustrations. From Shakespeare to Bukowski to The Little Prince in a Baobab tree, if it’s a literary tattoo and its on your body, we want to see it.

All images must include the name (or pseudonym) of the tattoo bearer, city and state or country, and a transcription of the text itself, along with its source. For portraits or illustrations, please include the name of the author or book on which it’s based. We’d also like to read a few words about the tattoo’s meaning to you — why you chose it, when you first read that poem or book, or how its meaning has evolved over time. How much (or how little) you choose to say about your tattoo is up to you, but a paragraph or two should do the trick.

Hey, that doesn’t sound so bad! On the other hand…

/flexes muscles, drinks bottle of Jager, punches nerd, vomits, falls down, shits pants

[Jacksonville.com] Ha, hey guys, did you know tattoos aren’t even hardcore anymore? It’s true! Really though, here’s a person with no tattoo experience aside from scoping out “tramp stamps” in annoying nightclubs, and even she can notice the diluting effect that those vampiric Audigier fellas and their ilk are having on tattooing.

From the minute I stepped into the Miami airport on our return trip and was faced with the first inked skin and $110 Ed Hardy tattoo-inspired T-shirts I’d seen in a week, I was shocked back into my own culture and its swarm to the tattoo aesthetic. What was once an edgy, fringe-culture practice has gone quite cutesy-commercial compared with its roots. The trick, then, becomes navigating between the art form and the marketing trend, and it’s not too tough to spot the items that just don’t belong in tattoo culture.

The Ed Hardy brand, launched in 2004 by designer Christian Audigier, after he gained the rights to the “Godfather of Tattoo” Don Ed Hardy’s designs, was clothing once revered by L.A. rocker and starlet types.

Now the brand is dabbling in the domestic department, bedding and such, and sir, is there anything possibly tough or rogue about you when you’re snuggled up in your $300 duvet set? I don’t care if it’s a roaring tiger or an eagle tearing apart a snake you’re showing off in the bedroom- it does not belong on a frilly neck roll pillow.

This is a funny tipping point we’ve reached, is it not? After years of tattoo culture being something to be looked upon as vaguely dangerous and limited to the “outlaw” set, it has now been co-opted and commodified to the point that even the bystanders who had no real interest beyond the fact that tattoos were part of an obscured subculture are now mourning the death of those salad days and bemoaning the commercialization of something of which they were never even a part. Just sayin’.

[Pasadena Star News] And now, huh, here is a strange artifact indeed, courtesy of veteran funnyman (?!) George Waters. It is about tattoos, apparently? We should probably do a close reading of this.

In the 21st Century, getting a tattoo seems to have become de rigueur

Speak English, commie!

(“the rigueur”).

Much better.

Statistics show that 36 percent of males age 18-35 have a tattoo, and the other 84 percent have dreamt about Jessica Alba giving them a tattoo.

Wait, what? Maybe I’m out of the loop, but I’ve heard precious little about Jessica Alba’s skills as a tattoo artist. What does George Waters think happens during a tattoo? Is “tattoo” now slang for “hand-job in the swimming pool”?

In contrast, only 31 percent of women age 18-35 have a tattoo, yet fully 67 percent dream of forcing their husbands to watch as George Clooney gives them a tattoo.

This is the least helpful sex advice column I have ever read.

I do not have a tattoo myself. I have major freckles. A snarling tiger on me would look diseased. A yin/yang symbol would look like a scoop of Cookies-N-Cream.

Since when does Cookies-N-Cream have red dots in it? Where the fuck are you buying your ice cream, man?

Not to mention that my pain threshold is so low, pygmy ants have to look down to see it.

That’s pretty low.

What I will never understand is, while choosing a tattoo design is entirely dependent on personal taste, often my friends will ask me for “advice,” when really they are just looking for validation. A typical conversation goes like this:

Friend: OK, give me your opinion. Tell me straight: cobra, leopard or eagle?

“Also, which arm is the ‘gay arm’ for tattoos?”

Question: I want to get the name of my boyfriend, Scuz, tattooed over my heart. My friends say I am crazy, that if we break up I will be stuck with it forever, but I love him. What do you think?

Answer: I, too, think your love for Scuz is timeless, and your friends are just jealous. Besides, if the worst happens and you break up, you can always have the words “is a cheating jerk” added to the design. This genre of tattoo is known as “post-romantic.”

Mr. Waters mentioned that he forgot to ask for reader submissions for questions about tattoos, so instead he went back and stole questions from old Ann Landers columns and hilariously modernized the names to reflect the subject matter, like “Scuz,” which, ha. Dave Barry, take note: If you start swallowing your mouthwash in the morning, this could happen to you.

Question: What does a facial tattoo say about a person?

Answer: It says that as bad as this economy is, it clearly hasn’t hurt liquor sales.

Hoo boy, if this guy only knew how many humorless straight-edgers have their faces tattooed, he’d be in some real trouble. (Kidding! Kidding!)

My experience has been that the general public cannot be trusted with an aesthetic statement so permanent. After all, the general public made Adam Sandler a millionaire.

He is clearly just jealous because SHAMPOO IS BETTA.

Full Coverage: Links From All Over (July 23, 2009)

Posted on July 23, 2009 by Jordan Ginsberg

[Boston Herald] Hey, what’s in the news, hmm? Turns out that the Commonwealth of Massachusetts is well upon its way to instituting formal regulations on body piercing—rules that, apparently, do not currently exist. They actually seem pretty reasonable, though! Rep. Bruce Ayers (seen in the video on the right) sponsored the bill, which prohibits people under the age of 18 from getting pierced without being accompanied by a parent (ear piercings excluded) and seeks to establish rules regarding cleanliness within shops, which, hey, that’s a good thing. Ayers is a decent chap, by the sounds of things; he makes it very clear that there are body piercing shops that are setting a fine example, and that the goal of these new regulations will not be to marginalize or restrict body art and its practitioners and clients in any way, but rather to ensure that these things are done safely and responsibly. The anchor even plays devil’s advocate and poses the question of how he would respond to people who would reject the age restriction on the basis that the government shouldn’t play a role in telling citizens what to do with their bodies, and even then, he’s convincing enough about not wanting to impose any sort of “nanny state.” The interview is certainly worth a look.

What we’ve linked above, however, is one of your common hilarious editorials about people just freakin’ the hell out when their little demon children coming strolling in the door covered in satanic metals and such. Take it away, columnist Margery Eagan!

When Adam Femino, 23, came home with his latest body art – ear “plugs” that can stretch earlobes to the size of dinner plates – his mother “started to cry.”

The fashion forward might say his plugs, a modest half inch or so, nicely complement his Mohawk and his huge, black FEMINO tattoo dominating his upper arm. Femino says, removing the plugs to reveal an empty cylindrical hole in his lobe, like a mini Ted Williams Tunnel, proved too much for mom.

It’s for the sake of Adam’s mom, and moms everywhere, that I hope state Rep. Bruce Ayers finally gets somewhere today with legislation to outlaw body piercing on anyone under 18 unless accompanied by a parent.

Ha ha, this “Adam” guy sounds like a real weirdo, huh? The circus is that way, crazy! But really, here is a 23-year-old man who has some stretched lobes, and this happens to be the case to which the author chooses to refer when discussing a bill that will restrict body piercing to those under 18 years of age (without a parent present), excluding ear piercings, which are the only piercings the above mentioned scoundrel seems to have. So far, so good! So, so good.

[Consider] this. Almost nobody over 40 has pierced anything save ears, discreetly. Aged 26 to 40? Twenty-two percent have pierced nipples, tongues, whatever. Aged 18 to 25? The numbers rise to 30 percent. And those numbers are three years old, but the latest available from the Pew Research people.

Look around your local high school. It’s an epidemic. Look at your own teenagers. Who knows what dastardly plot they’re hatching?

First of all, nobody over 40 ever gets pierced because, gross, right? Keep your clothes on, grandpa! (We kid, we kid.) Anyway, the last part is very true. If your kids have or want or have ever even thought about body piercings, the least you can do is check their rooms for trenchcoats and bombs and Barack Obama’s hidden birth certificate. It’s for the good of the land!

Ayers said yesterday he does not propose regulating ear “plugs.” So no matter what happens today, we’ll continue enduring those 45 rpm-sized holes in the lobes of skinny, young artists dressed in black, cashiers at Whole Foods and anyone “expressing their individuality,” as Eric Leger, 32, of Hopedale said yesterday. He’s the father of five. He insists his “plugs” and skull tattoos have cramped neither his fathering nor his work as a property manager.

Clearly, he is a liar and thoroughly unfit to father his five (!) children. Someone please tell him to surrender these youngsters to the state, at which point they will be handed over to our fair lady Margery here who will raise them with the proper respect for authority, so as to ensure they do not let their damn earlobes dangle like some filthy stripper’s nipple tassels, which is just not the sort of thing anyone needs to see when they’re grocery shopping.

[Dallas News] Looks like Massachusetts isn’t the only place trying its hand at instituting fancy new regulations! Turns out that the Dallas Police Department is tired of its esteemed police officers looking like common thugs, and is telling its employees that visible tattoos aren’t part of the damn uniform.

The next time you see a Dallas police officer wearing a long-sleeved shirt when it’s hotter than a furnace outside, it may be because he or she is hiding something.

A tattoo.

The department is planning to require police officers to cover up their tattoos, even if it means wearing makeup or a skin-colored patch over a hard-to-obscure place such as the neck or wrist.

“A lot of officers are coming in with tattoos,” said Lt. Andrew Harvey, a police spokesman.

“It’s more normal now than it ever has been,” he said but added that the department wants officers “to display a more professional image.”

Luckily, up here in the wintry north, our officers are free to get tattooed to their hearts’ content, seeing as it is a vast icy tundra where people are discouraged from leaving their homes without several thermal layers, a Gortex-brand jacket and the carcass of a freshly slaughtered Tan-Tan. Dallas, however, is a sweltering sweat-bucket where “Naked Days” are held several times a summer, just to make sure everybody doesn’t die. Now, tattooed police will be the first to go.

Officer Nick Novello has four tattoos on his arms, including an American Indian on his right forearm that was there when he was hired by the city in 1982. He said he believes the department should consider grandfathering in current officers and thinks it’s a mistake to have an across-the-board policy.

“If I got hired in 1982 and had that tattoo on my forearm, how can you expect me to cover my tattoo up in 2009?” Novello asked. “If you have to cover up your arms, they’re going to have a lot of problems staying hydrated. You put a guy in long sleeves and he’s not going out of the car unless it’s an absolute emergency” during the hot summer months.

Novello, who also has an eagle bursting out of an American flag on his left arm, said he can understand requiring officers to cover up tattoos if they are offensive in some way.

“In culture at large, tattoos are extremely prevalent,” he said. “We’re not divorced from society at large.”

This seems like a reasonable solution—some sort of grandfather policy would surely need to be put into place, unless the DPD really wants to be a bunch of pricks. It makes perfect sense to want your police officers to abide by a certain sense of decorum, and “inappropriate” tattoos should surely be discouraged or left covered, but are you really going to tell a 20-plus-year veteran of the force with an American flag tattoo to shut it down and wear a goddamn snowsuit in the middle of a Texas summer? Come on now.

Full Coverage: Links From All Over (July 16, 2009)

Posted on July 16, 2009 by Jordan Ginsberg

Photo: FERRARI PRESS

[Telegraph.co.uk] As time progresses, it’s no secret that body modification is becoming more and more accepted by the public at large. This is not without its pitfalls, of course; as more people engage in these acts, some feel the culture becomes more diluted and perhaps not quite as meaningful or special. Whether or not one agrees with this sentiment, it’s by no means an invalid concern, but a larger percentage of people taking an active interest in body modification seems to be one of the trade-offs of having it become more acceptable across society. And, even if one isn’t thrilled by the prospect of a widespread commodification of body modification, it stands to reason that, at the very least, it should be seen as a largely positive thing when it’s normalized to the point that the “freak-show” element is, for the most part, a non-issue.

And then some moron like this comes along and, like every Tyler Perry movie, sets the group back a few hundred years.

Hey, meet 39-year-old Gavin Paslow, a.k.a Diablo Delenfer, which means, “devil from the inferno.” Fun! He was a security guard, but then he defrauded the government for thousands of pounds to receive health benefits that he then in turn used to pay for body modification procedures (implants, tongue splitting, etc.) to make him look like the devil, and now he is a schmuck convict living on house arrest and doing nothing to combat the image of our fair community as Satan-worshipping criminals. Yay.

He took the money while working variously for a security company, two separate recruitment firms and as a self employed guard

The wannabe demon, of Seasalter, near Whitstable, Kent, was this week banned from leaving his house at night – after being slapped with a curfew from 5pm to 5am every day. He was also fitted with an electronic tag.

Prosecutor Mark Hutchings told Cantebury Magistrates Court how Paslow had stolen cash to fund medical procedures.

He pleaded guilty to seven offences of failing to promptly notify the Department for Work and Pensions of a change in circumstance that he knew would affect his benefit claims.

[…]

JPs heard Delenfer defrauded a total of £3552.98 of benefits including £322.92 of housing benefit, £110.61 of council tax benefit and £3119.45 of income support between 28 September 2007 and 29 September 2008.

Look, we here at BME have no problem whatsoever with Satan, nor with people who choose to look like him in some manner, as long as such goals are achieved using one’s own funds. That is to say, feel free to get yer devil on, but try not to steal in order to pay for the necessary procedures, got it, you goof?

Speaking outside court said: “Obviously, there aren’t many people who look like me and some might be a bit taken aback,” he said.

“But other people realise I’m an almost normal human being in other ways and the kids love it,” he said.

Ha ha, because Satan is for the children, you see. Step aside, Wu-Tang!

[BILD] And it is not just devil doppelgangers corrupting our delightful youth, either! Famous soccer person David Beckham, also known for getting all tattooed up like the dark lord himself, is setting a terrible example for his children, who now also want to grow up to be Wiccans or whatever.

David Beckham’s sons are desperate to get tattoos like him. The British soccer star – who has boys Brooklyn (10), Romeo (6) and four-year-old Cruz with wife Victoria Beckham – has revealed his children are so impressed with his body art they are keen to copy it. He said: “One of them said to me recently, ‘How old do I have to be before I get my first tattoo?’ I was like, ‘A lot older than you are now!’”

Apparently Becks hasn’t heard of reverse psychology! Now his kids are doomed, doomed, and it is all his fault. May as well just sign ‘em over to the LaVey estate and be done with it. Tell them to keep an eye on their wallets, though; that new security guard over there has some sticky fingers.

BME Shop is holding a 20-percent-off sale on most items until midnight tonight! Click here for details.

Full Coverage: Links From All Over (July 13, 2009)

Posted on July 13, 2009 by Jordan Ginsberg

[NY Daily News] Last year, we were lucky enough to interview Kim Saigh, then of television spectacle L.A. Ink, and really, in addition to being a great artist, she could not have been sweeter and more pleasant to speak to. In a lot of ways, she stood in total opposition to what’s expected of reality television stars—that is, she did her best to function as a person who, it just so happened, was being filmed by a crew while doing what she would normally be doing during the day, without trying to manufacture drama or turn herself into a caricature for the purpose of making a name for herself as a member of Hollywood Elite or whatever nonsense. Well, ha ha, guess who’s not on L.A. Ink anymore! Saigh and fellow exceptional artist Hannah Aitchison have moved onto other things, and have been replaced with…wait, are you kidding me?

As the third season gets underway, the producers – or the stars – have reached into the reality show tool bag and added a new cast member, one that should come with the soundtrack from “Sesame Street” with Muppets singing “one of these things is not like the others.”

Aubry Fisher, who rose to fame, or more like shame, on VH1′s junk series “Rock of Love” turns up at Kat Von D’s shop in Los Angeles, and amazingly, without experience, gets a job there.

She immediately gets on everyone’s nerves – no shock there – including Von D’s, who is upset her brother hired her without letting her know.

Holy shit that is stupid. Seriously? L.A. Ink was never exactly high-brow entertainment, but at least the artists were, for the most part, decent human beings with considerable talent. And they’re replaced by actual garbage television run-off? Everybody involved should be very proud of themselves. Let’s see what Aubry’s bio claims she brings to the table:

– Doesn’t care about what other people think about her

– Is a self-described mean girl

– Great at starting a fire, but also good at putting one out

[…]

– Considers herself a Hollywood socialite

– Starred on Rock of Love 2

– Currently owns a karaoke business called “Crazy Bitch Karaoke”

Hey, remember when TLC used to stand for “The Learning Channel”? Ha ha, Jesus fucking Christ. At the same time, though, we also like to fancy ourselves Hollywood socialites! Jump the line, bottle service, etc.! Call us, Aubry!

[Dallas Morning News] Well, here is some delightful irony (or is it sacrilege?) for your afternoon. It seems some fellow down in Denton, Texas, visited a local tattoo establishment to receive some permanent iconography of the religious sort, and then displayed behavior unbecoming of the sentiment with which he was just tattooed! Here are the scandalous details:

A man commissioned a tattoo artist to imprint “Only God can judge me” on his upper arm Monday and then left without paying, the victim told Denton police.

The tattoo artist said the man came in to the shop in the 200 block of West University Drive with some friends and asked for the motto along with the image of praying hands.

The artist completed the work and asked for $200, according to the report. The man handed over a credit card, but the charge was declined by the credit card company. The man waited in the front of the store for a bit with his friends, and the friends slipped away.

Then the man ran out of the store, according to the report.

Obviously, we here at BME do not in any way support stiffing hard-working businesspeople, and we hope this is a wake-up call to artists across the country and around the world to only tattoo gainfully employed Satanists and godless atheists. It is for your own good and the well-being of your companies.

[Inquisitr] Hoo boy, as if you needed another excuse to get yer dick tattooed, covering the old johnson with ink could very well keep you out of jail! Example:

A UK man accused of flashing a female train guard has been cleared of all charges because of the tattoo of a lizard on his penis.

A female train guard accused 28 year old Barry Kenny of flashing his penis to herself and others while intoxicated on the train ride from Newcastle to Hartlepool. But the woman had not mentioned anything unusual about Kenny’s member.

Barry Kenny’s attorney managed to get the charges of indecent exposure dropped after Kenny was allowed to expose himself in court for magistrates to see that clearly, his accuser would have mentioned the tattoo had she really seen him expose himself on the train.

The train guard protested, however, explaining to the judge, “But Your Honor, I specifically mentioned the defendant showing me a tiny lizard!” Ha, get it? BOOSH! Seacrest out.

BME Shop is holding a 20-percent-off sale on most items this week until midnight on Thursday, July 16! Click here for details.

Full Coverage: Links From All Over (July 3, 2009)

Posted on July 3, 2009 by Jordan Ginsberg

[Kijiji] I’m warning you all right now, this is going to be an extra-stupid edition of our beloved news roundup. Like, seriously. There is nary a redeeming quality to be found among today’s record of idiocy, whether it’s the subjects of the stories or the fact that the stories themselves even exist in the first place. Let’s start with this Kijiji posting, beckoning one and all to contribute to this citizen’s tattoo portfolio by submitting to a full-facial tattoo. It is very important that this person pad his or her portfolio with a very impressive full-facial tattoo—so important, in fact, that it will be done nearly practically free! As long as you don’t want any tribal, of course. Tribal is for assholes.

[Help Me Sue] Oh Jesus Christ, if you are eating your celebratory (and mandatory, damn it) Independence Day fried chicken, you may want to put it down (or eat it extremely quickly) before clicking that link. First of all, there is actually a web site called “Help Me Sue,” which is just tremendous, and it evidently exists to help people wronged by The Man (or various men) find a lawyer appropriate for one’s respective situation. Well, someone is having some problems with a tattoo, from the looks of things (all [sic]‘d):

Myself and two other co-workers went to a new local tattoo parlor in Morgan Hill, California. We all got the same tattoo and we all got bad infections. Within the two days our ankles swelled three times the size and was oozing all the color and green stuff. We let it ride because we understood that the foot area was very painful in regards to healing. We went back to the tat shop to find the owner and his wife and showed him our feet. His first response was “Oh shit, he went way too deep, that artist is out of here. Don’t worry, he won’t be back!” At that point we told him that we were pissed and we were going to seek medical attention because our legs had became so sore that we had to miss work and the crust from our tattoo kept cracking and seaping. My friend was the first to go seek medical advice then myself. It was confirmed that it appeared we both had Staf infections and were given antibiotics for severl weeks. The artist finally cared enough to contact us and even admitted he may have went to deep and that he would only refund our money and fix it. He then told us that we would fix it at the shop where we got it beacuse he still worked there! We then decided to run in their business lic because they had one on the wall in the shop. It happens that they do not have a license but rather one is pending because the Enviromental Health Dept. still hadn’t inspected their facility.

And wouldn’t you know it, it’s actually a lot grosser than it sounds! There’s a nice little area of necrotic tissue pictured, which, as we all know, is the primary symptom of…a tattoo artist going too deep? What? Hey, I’m no doctor, but I’m pretty sure you don’t pick up a necrotizing Staph infection because your artist has a heavy hand. Anyway, folks, best of luck in your lawsuit. Care to make it class-action lawsuit? Eh? Eh? C’monnn.

[NJ Star-Ledger] So here’s a fun game to play: Go to Google News, type “Bagelhead” into the query field, look at the results, and then punch yourself in the dick/balls/ovaries/whatever hard enough that you will never, ever breed, thus saving your potential offspring from the horrid fate of having to share a planet with the reporters responsible for this new “BRAND NEW FAD” non-story. Apparently, some Japanese youths have started experimenting with inflating their foreheads with saline solution (as our old friends Jerome, Ryoichi and others have been photographed doing in the past), and of course, since something need only exist for it to become a fad, this is now a fad sweeping the sleepy fishing village of Japan. Oh, and apparently the people who are doing this are being called “Bagelheads,” because what would a dumb non-story be without the most outrageously stupid moniker imaginable attached to it? Hooray.

[Popcrunch] And finally, famous singer person Rihanna is going to jail, forever, for giving someone a tattoo. Apparently she thought it’d be a real hoot to pick up a tattoo machine while hanging out in New York and give some folks some little umbrella tattoos, except those photos were published (by the MEDIA), and now it’s been revealed that she was not properly licensed to be a tattoo artist, or something, so she will be put to death, the end.

Full Coverage: Links From All Over (June 29, 2009)

Posted on June 29, 2009 by Jordan Ginsberg

[Twitter/Meghan McCain] Oh well look at that, important political daughter Meghan McCain is all up in the Twitters, talking about getting tattooed! As we know, she used to joke about getting tattooed when her pops, John McCain, was running for President, hoping that it would give him flashbacks or something. But now that her father has retired from the presidency, she is free to get all the tattoos she pleases while he naps. At least, judging by this recent “tweet,” she has good taste in artists. That said, it’s refreshing to know that not even government tattoo snobs like the McCains can jump the line with Paul Booth. Vote Paul Booth in 2012!

[First Amendment Center] A few months back, we covered this sordid tale of some murdering shitbag who had all sorts of demonic tattoos that lawyers tried to use against him in court, and we were generally bummed out by everyone involved in the situation being so distasteful and unsympathetic. To recap:

Martin Robles and his shit-demon accomplice were indicted for breaking into a home in 2002 and killing two men, crimes for which Robles was sentenced to death in Texas. He lost an appeal, then made a last-ditch effort to file a petition for a writ of habeas corpus, claiming, among other things, that his First Amendment rights were violated during the trial. […] [He argued] that his religious-liberty rights were violated when the state placed into evidence his tattoo of a religious figure. As described in trial proceedings, the tattoo depicted “Jesus with a demon devouring his brains.”

Now, I’m not an attorney, but I usually catch about 25 minutes of Law & Order: SVU a night, so I understand the importance of legal precedence in cases like this. In the quoted case, much was made of a 1992 trial, Dawson v. Delaware, in which tattoos were of central importance:

[U.S. District Judge Janis Graham Jack] distinguished Robles’ case from the 1992 case Dawson v. Delaware, in which the U.S. Supreme Court ruled that a defendant’s First Amendment associational rights were violated when prosecutors introduced into evidence his membership in a white supremacist group when such association had nothing to do with the underlying crime. […] However, the Court in Dawson pointed out that “elements of racial hatred were … not involved in the killing.”

Well boy howdy, another case just rolled through that’s invoking Dawson yet again! And…it’s even dumber than the one with the Jesus-eating zombie thing.

A trial court did not violate the First Amendment rights of a criminal defendant when it allowed a prosecutor to comment, and a county sheriff to testify, on a defendant’s “Lying Eyes” tattoos during closing arguments, a Texas appeals court ruled recently.

A jury had convicted Michael Lee Wood of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon for brutally beating a convenience store clerk with a sharp object in Haskell, Texas. During the punishment phase of the trial, the prosecutor elicited testimony from Haskell County Sheriff David Halliburton. The sheriff testified that Wood had a tattoo on each eyelid. One tattoo read “Lying” and the other read “Eyes.” Wood’s attorney contended such evidence was irrelevant. The prosecutor countered that the “Lying Eyes” tattoos showed Wood’s lack of respect for society.

This, apparently, was not a violation of his First Amendment rights due to the fact that his eyelid tattoos were supposedly evidence of a lack of moral character, and not some manner of gang affiliation. Again, I really, really hate to be put into a position to offer any sort of defense on the behalf of goons like this, but this seems like a bad precedent to set. The Jesus brain thing? Sure, that probably wouldn’t play well with conservative/religious folks, but “Lying Eyes” on someone’s eyelids? What, are we just going to start locking up people who get shitty puns tattooed on them?

Actually, when you put it that way….

[Norwich Bulletin] Oh baby, so we were all just waiting to see how those jackals in the “mainstream media” would react to, uh whatshername, the girl with all the stars tattooed on her face? Well, here go! This sack of garbage disguised as a column is honestly the most paint-by-numbers, thoughtless pablum I’ve seen in quite some time. But don’t take my word for it! Let’s hear what you have to say, Sharma Howard!

There’s one thing I know for sure I don’t want to see on my sons:

The roof of your house! A burning car! A murderous lion!

tattoos.

That’s the “one thing [you] know for sure” you don’t want to see on your songs? No offense, lady, but my answers are way deadlier.

When I was growing up, tattoos were for the fringe of society — and the two adults I knew that had them always kept them covered up in embarrassment.

Now, tattoos adorn movie stars such as Angelina Jolie, who makes for an odd sight in an evening gown and lines of Oriental writing marching up her neck. It’s jolting, to be sure.

“Oriental” is not the preferred nomenclature, dude! Anyway, yes, Angelina Jolie should pretty much be ashamed of herself, at all times. That’s where you were going with that, right?

Now, 36 percent of 18-25 year-olds have tattoos, inching towards the 50/50 mark that would make having a tattoo almost blase.

“Blase” is kind of a poor word choice in this instance but whatever, sure. Now, get ready for the reappearance of our old friend Starface!

I watched in horror when the young teen from Belgium claimed in the news the 56 black stars that now blanket her face like a constellation were the result of a tattoo artist gone wild as she slept. The story had many people skeptical, but one look at the tattoo artist, who had his own face covered in tattoos and had stretched his skin with heavy piercings stirred sympathy for the 18-year old.

Look, we’re not necessarily going to defend the artist’s somewhat poor judgment in this case, but we don’t recall there being a ton of sympathy for Starface. We will grant you, however, that seeing Rouslan in an evening gown can be a jolting experience. I would quote more from this chumbucket but once I got to the seventh paragraph I fell asleep for a hundred years. “Enjoy” it on your own, if you must.

Full Coverage: News From All Over (June 25, 2009)

Posted on June 25, 2009 by Jordan Ginsberg

[Conan O’Brien] Longtime admiration for David Letterman notwithstanding, the Conan O’Brien era of the Tonight Show has been downright glorious. I wasn’t quite sure how Conesy would adapt to sunny Los Angeles from humid New York, but, as we can see above, he’s doing his best to make friends with the locals—like, say, the folks at a local tattoo and piercing and head shop. Attention L.A. residents! The gentlemen at Xeniobiotic Tattoo will not pierce your taint, even if you’re Conan O’Brien.

[AFP] See, when I see a headline like, “China tennis star braced for battle of tattoos,” I naturally assume it’s going to be some NBA-style hand-wringing about some little harlot ruining the sanctity of the game by parading around with her demonic flesh-ink exposed for the world to see, her skin covered with graven images, each one more offensive than the last, to the point that all one can do is spit one’s strawberries and cream at the television in disbelief that a sport of such honor and integrity would allow itself to be sullied in this way. But…nah, it’s just because China is a touch draconian about the whole tattoo thing:

China’s Li Na is facing a battle of the tattoos in the second round at Wimbledon, but said if she had her way, her controversial body art would be wiped off.

The number 19 seed has a design etched on her chest — something which was not universally well received in her homeland, where tattoos have long been considered taboo.

She faces Belarussian world number 82 Olga Govortsova, who has three stars tattooed on her inner left forearm, in her quest for a third round spot at Wimbledon.

However, though tattoos are growing in acceptance in China and Li has finally become comfortable showing it off on the tennis court, she said might get tired of seeing it.

“So many people ask me about my tattoo,” Li told AFP.

“It’s a rose with a heart. I’ve had it eight years now. Before, I always wore tape, I didn’t want to show the tattoo. In China, if they see people have a tattoo, they only think maybe she’s not so good a person.”

See? Spoken like a true thug—no respect for the game or its storied history. This monster will be playing tennis for the Denver Nuggets any day now.

[Journal Now] Hey, good news, tattooed folks! We all know that tattoos will curse you with lifelong unemployment, derision from society at large and probably some sort of hybrid Hepatitis/HIV-monster virus, but one thing its been confirmed they won’t give you: Skin cancer. Hooray!

Many inks are made with metals; blue, for example, contains cobalt and aluminum, and red may contain mercury sulfide. That, along with the fact that tattooing can be traumatizing to the skin, prompted suspicion that tattoos might lead to skin cancer. Studies have documented a few cases of cancer at a tattoo site.

But Dr. Ariel Ostad, an assistant clinical professor of dermatology at NYU Langone Medical Center in Manhattan, said that does not mean that the tattoo caused the cancer. He said that the ink is unlikely to do any harm because it is confined to cells in the skin called macrophages, whose job is to absorb foreign material.

More likely, he said, the tattoo was placed on an existing mole, making any changes in the mole hard to spot. Several case studies have dealt with melanomas that were overlooked because they arose from hidden moles. Ostad said he is often asked whether tattoos can lead to cancer, and the answer “is unequivocally no.”

Hey, maybe not breaking news, but who doesn’t like confirmation of this sort? It’s about time doctors proved their worth, am I right, fellas? Eh?

[Youth Removal] A few weeks ago, we mentioned a story regarding a program offering free tattoo cover-ups for gang members, but little did we know that a similar project was in the works in our own corner of the community! Allen Falkner, currently of Fade Fast tattoo removal, has launched Youth Removal, a program in which youths 18 years old and younger will be able to have gang tattoos on their hands, neck or face removed for free. Allen, as many have long been aware, has always been a stand-up gent, and this is just another feather in his cap. Really outstanding work.

[Twitter] And finally, if there were any doubt remaining about the value of Twitter, a tweet from earlier this afternoon, courtesy of Esquire:

Hey, that’s just sound advice right there.