Guaranteed


Ray turned to Philip as they sat atop the fleshy, sensitive summit. “We made it,” he said to Phil. “We made the climb that nobody thought we could.”

Philip scratched his chin. “Lost a lot of men, though,” he said. “A lot of good men.”

“When Freddy slipped into the navel, I just …”

“Hey,” Philip said, his hand on Ray’s shoulder. “There was nothing you could have done. OK? There was nothing. You saw how smooth the skin was there. It could have happened to any of us.”

“You’re right.” He exhaled heavily. “It’s beautiful up here, though. You can see the other peak so clearly.”

“Maybe we’ll climb that one some day, too.” The men smiled at each other. “So,” Philip said, “what do you want to do?”

“What we came here to do,” Ray said. “I’m gonna pinch it.”

The clouds broke then, and at that moment, it felt like the sun was shining just for him.

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Everett Lee Broke Loose Again


Whoa. Hey fella, we were just, uh, we were just passing through. Sure gets dark early in these woods, doesn’t it? Didn’t even see the barn at first. Wait, did you say something? Are you hurt? You’re breathing pretty heavy, mister, is everything alright? Why don’t you come out here, mister? Maybe we can help …

We’ve made a huge mistake.

(Awesome photos of Josh by Dave Barnhouser, 13th Hour Photography.)

Security Breach


I don’t mean to alarm anybody, but the safety of a fortified military base in Arizona has been compromised by a break-in perpetrated by what appears to be a highly attractive woman. Security footage above shows her scaling the electric fence, yet suffering what appears to be no ill effects whatsoever. More chilling footage, after the jump.

Good God, she is single-handedly dismantling silos! And issuing some sort of threat via signage. Terrifying.

Oh no, and now she is … sitting down, apparently, and plotting, inside one of the devices she destroyed. And is maybe picking rocks out of her shoes.

Worst of all, she seems to have taken a hostage. What is she planning? No one knows. More on this horrifying event as it develops.

(Photos of awalkingmodification by Dan Sisk. No military bases or equipment were harmed in the making of these shots. I am just a jackass.)

Walk, Then Run


Bear and his ears are pretty famous around these parts — it’s probably impossible to count the number of people he’s inspired to stretch their ears, to say nothing of other piercings. But after years of stretching (and, at points, getting up to five-and-a-half inches!), even he runs into trouble sometimes, and he was having a rough go of stretching up his right earlobe. After almost a month of wearing these big-ass, heavy CBRs for eight hours a day, though, he got things moving again, and now, after worrying his ear would never stretch again, has more than enough room for his three-and-a-half inch spool. There’s a lesson in here somewhere, I think.

Fell Down Some Stairs


You know, this photo of Sicko seems as good as any to serve as the basis for a good old-fashioned caption contest! The winner gets a copy of that motorcycle poster on the wall. Let’s hear it in the comments, good people.

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In The Red


Sure, he’s got long, dark, flowing locks, and bedroom eyes, and is in tremendous shape, and has a well executed, complex and interesting Ulver-inspired chest tattoo, but, uh … hey, look at that stupid doorknob! You can’t even see all of it! Ha ha, geez, worst picture ever.

(Tattoo by Chris Van R. at Sacred Heart Tattoo in Vancouver, British Columbia.)